Horoscopes for Babies, April 2020

Taurus
Apr. 20 - May 20

You are brighter than sunshine this month, Taurus Baby, and wiser than your years, a true model of self-containment. You are unencumbered by questions that plague your compatriots. Is it Monday or Thursday? Does it matter? No. Only now. 

Lucky number: 75
Lucky color: sunshine


Gemini
May 21 - June 20

All great discoveries start with a question, Gemini Baby, and that question is why? Keep asking it. Then ask it again. And again. One more time. Maybe again. Do not relent. Soon you will know everything.

Lucky number: 2
Lucky color: watermelon


Cancer
June 21 - July 22

You have great taste, Cancer Baby, and people are taking note. It started when you dipped your goldfish cracker in refried beans, but wearing bloomers on your head was your magnum opus. They’ll write books about you someday.

Lucky number: 54
Lucky color: tomato


Leo
July 23 - Aug. 22

Life is a series of problems to be solved, Leo Baby, and you were born for the task. Your diaper is wet? Scream. You want to be picked up off the play mat? Scream. You want to be placed back on the play mat thirty seconds later? Scream. You don’t like the way the cat is looking at you? Scream.

Lucky number: 89
Lucky color: daffodil


Virgo
Aug. 23 - Sept. 22

Your career is on fire, Virgo Baby, and nothing is stopping you. You made your first appearance in a Zoom meeting a mere handful of days ago, and now you need an administrative assistant to keep your requests organized. You know just the guy for the job: Dada.

Lucky number: 26
Lucky color: pistachio 


Libra
Sept. 23 - Oct. 22

You’ve got a generous spirit, Libra Baby, and you’re putting it to action. Your parents are tired of making three meals per day. Surprise them with a smorgasbord. Pull everything out of the cupboards and arrange it around the kitchen floor. It’s the least you can do, and they will be so appreciative.

Lucky number: 38
Lucky color: sunwashed cherry


Scorpio
Oct. 23 - Nov. 21

Things are looking up, Scorpio Baby, and it’s not just because literally everything is taller than you. The days are getting longer, the sun is shining brighter, and a fascinating green carpet is growing in the backyard. You like the way it feels on your bare feet. Sort of. Maybe. Then again, maybe not. OK, yes.

Lucky number: 76
Lucky color: bubble gum


Sagittarius
Nov. 22 - Dec. 21

A melancholy has consumed you, Sagittarius Baby, and you’re writing sad songs at night in your crib. You miss your old life. You miss riding in shopping carts. You miss missing your parents sometimes. Your only solace is the softly chewed corner of your blankie and the knowledge that applesauce is a thing. You could really use a harmonica about now.

Lucky number: 5
Lucky color: navy



Capricorn
Dec. 22 - Jan. 19

You understood it before you knew the word, Capricorn Baby, and that word is friendship. The dog is your friend. The pacifier is your friend. The lady who lives inside Mom’s phone and looks like Grandma is your friend. Someday maybe the fig tree in the corner will be your friend, too. Friendship. You still can’t pronounce it, but wow, it’s nice.

Lucky number: 83
Lucky color: raspberry



Aquarius
Jan. 20 - Feb. 18
You’ve got an insatiable hunger, Aquarius Baby, and everything is appetizing right now. You have a singular focus and the drive of a pre-hibernation Grizzly bear. Is it time to eat yet? What about now? Are you going to finish that? These are the questions that propel you.

Lucky number: 19
Lucky color: cobalt



Pisces
Feb. 19 - Mar. 20

You’ve never been one to question authority, Pisces Baby, but something’s nagging at you. The duck says quack, the cow says moo, the dog says woof, and the little piggy says wee, wee, wee, all the way home? That’s not right.

Lucky number: 62
Lucky color: hyacinth



Aries
Mar. 21 - Apr. 19
Your athleticism is on display this month, Aries Baby, and your training shows. Your circuit consists of rolling over twice, three half-push-ups, sitting up for seven seconds, one wobble, and then a two-hour nap. You practically need a theme song. 

Lucky number: 18
Lucky color: mint