Horoscopes for Babies, February 2020

Pisces
Feb. 19 - Mar. 20
You’re full of love this month, Pisces Baby, and everyone in your path will feel it. Discovering the joy of slobbery kisses has given you a new purpose in life, and you can’t stop, won’t stop, until every human and pet in your circle carries a handkerchief to recover from your encounters.
Lucky number: 18
Lucky color: ocean


Aries
Mar. 21 - Apr. 19
It’s a month for self-reflection, Aries Baby, so be prepared for fresh perspectives. The new toy from grandma that you thought was playing a video of an endlessly fascinated baby is actually a mirror. That baby is you. This is not a metaphor. Take a moment if you need.
Lucky number: 12
Lucky color: cherry


Taurus
Apr. 20 - May 20
Everything is terrible this month, Taurus Baby, and there’s nothing to be done about it. Your favorite teething ring fell prey to the garbage disposal. Your plan to hang out all night every night with your parents is continually met with a lack of enthusiasm. Your toes don’t even taste good anymore. Nobody gets it. 
Lucky number: 0
Lucky color: spruce


Gemini
May 21 - June 20
Big things are happening for you, Gemini Baby, ever since your recent mastery of sitting upright. Before, it was all ceilings and nostrils from the vantage of your car seat, but now! You’re sitting in highchairs at restaurants! Swings at the park! And thrill of all thrills, the throne of the grocery shopping cart! Carpe diem!
Lucky number: 20
Lucky color: sunwashed rainbow


Cancer
June 21 - July 22
Vanity has always been your achilles heel, Cancer Baby, and this month will test your strength. Nobody thought to ask if you want your hair cut, then suddenly you’re staring at a scatter of familiar curls on the kitchen floor. You didn’t even realize you were gaining weight and now mom says your favorite outfit doesn’t fit anymore. Do not dismay. You look better without the combover and the next size footie is already on its way. 
Lucky number: 61
Lucky color: vintage blue


Leo
July 23 - Aug. 22
The world is full of injustice, Leo Baby, and this is the month it hits home for you. Who can explain why, after weeks of being allowed to sleep in your parents’ bed, you’ve been relocated to the cruel isolation of your crib? Whose neck will you kick all night now? Whose arm hair will you pinch as you dream? Are you honestly expected to spit up on your own sheets? 
Lucky number: 88
Lucky color: sunshine


Virgo
Aug. 23 - Sept. 22
Contrasts and juxtapositions abound this month, Virgo Baby, so prepare for some head-scratching. Lemons smell good, but taste like scary dog barks. Grass looks harmless, but feels like a thousand personal insults on your bare feet. The only thing you are right about this month is mustaches. Mustaches are terrifying, period.
Lucky number: 4
Lucky color: grass


Libra
Sept. 23 - Oct. 22
You’ve been flexing your academic muscles, Libra Baby, and the world is taking notice. When you’re not busy devouring your library of books, you’re outwitting the latest Baby Einstein toy from your relatives. And while you’re uncomfortable with the label “genius,” you seem to literally be the only person on earth who knows what the cow says, no matter how many times you explain it.
Lucky number: 71
Lucky color: rose


Scorpio
Oct. 23 - Nov. 21
Undiscovered territories are yours to explore, Scorpio Baby. You don’t need to understand this drive, only to follow it--to every drawer and cupboard, every purse and dog bowl. Pull everything out. Empty the contents. Scatter them. Do not be deterred by those who would tell you no. 
Lucky number: 52
Lucky color: cobalt


Sagittarius
Nov. 22 - Dec. 21
Transportation is a headache this month, Sagittarius Baby, and the commute is bringing you down. Between the wobbly wheel on your stroller and the outrageous lines for the slide at daycare, you’re about to take matters into your own hands and start walking everywhere yourself. If only you knew how.
Lucky number: 7
Lucky color: tangerine


Capricorn
Dec. 22 - Jan. 19
Is there such a thing as free will, Capricorn Baby? This month you’ll be debating it. You don’t like tasting yucky things, yet you keep putting yucky things in your mouth. You don’t think nasal congestion is particularly humorous, yet you can’t control your giggles when dad sneezes. You’re determined to never poop again. After 3 days, it’s happening without your permission.
Lucky number: 22
Lucky color: sunwashed navy


Aquarius
Jan. 20 - Feb. 18
Why hasn’t anybody told you about ball pits, Aquarius Baby? What other secrets are they keeping from you? Why have you lived this long without ball pits? And now that you know about ball pits, how do you get more ball pits? How do you change your name to ball pits? Why isn’t everything and everyone a ball pit? 
Lucky number: 50
Lucky color: hyacinth